By Tanya M. Ursual

From The Lanark Animal Welfare Society (LAWS) P.O. Box 256, Lanark, Ontario, K0G 1K0:

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.

What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.

What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!

What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.

What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.

What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.

Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.

How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.

What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.

What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.

What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.

How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.

What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.

Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.

What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter. What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.

What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.

What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.

What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.

What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.

Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!