By Tanya M. Ursual

From The Lanark Animal Welfare Society (LAWS) L.A.W.S., P.O. Box 156, Smiths Falls, ON, K7A 4T1:

There are numerous sites on the internet, in addition to a published book, entitled “Pet Letters to God”. Here are a few of the hilarious entries:

Dear God, Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but hardly ever smell each other?

Dear God, Is the bagpipe an animal?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please

Dear God, Let me give you a list of some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

I will not eat the cats' food before or after they eat it.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.